So the good news is that the diet is working. After four or five weeks I went back to the doctor and my cyst has decreased in size from 6.4 to 5.5 sonameters. That is good news. I am now incorporating Endovan, a natural supplement into my supplement regimen to see what impact that will have next.
But while I have also made great progress, there have also been some setbacks. I caught something strange that caused upper abdominal cramps for a couple of days worse than any uterine cramps I have ever had (even worse than those coming off of fertility drugs) accompanied by nausea. It then progressed into low blood pressure and the lack of energy and stamina that comes from that, and culminated in a very sore throat (but only on the left side!) and more low blood pressure. During most of this time I did ok on my new clean eating regimen. Instead of raw vegetable smoothies, lean proteins and cooked veggies, I craved Suja juices. While I wasn’t drinking them to cleanse, I figured they were at least balanced nutrition when I really wasn’t interested in eating any real food for a week and a half to two weeks. But it got me off of my routine a little.
And then a huge emotional whamie. A massive trigger for me that caused me to really struggle for a few days. I was hurt, I was sad, I was angry. It brought up a bunch of crap for me that sucked and made me feel terrible. And while I have been trying to learn the lessons from the situation and heal, it still took me a few days to regain my footing. All I wanted to eat was comfort food. Bring on the carbs. Bring on the sugar. Bring on the bread. In all fairness, my worst during this period wasn’t nearly as bad as my worst in the past. But it still feels like I have gotten off track and my motivation has been really tough to get back. I have quit putting as much effort into going to the grocery store and cooking. And I have no desire to make more raw veggie smoothies, despite there being a whole book of recipes to choose from and experiment with.
At the same time, I know that I have to find my motivation again. I have to get back on track. I have to get back to prioritizing my health, and strengthening my immune system and reducing the inflammation and balancing my hormones. It isn’t something I can do for a month and then revert back to my old habits. It is something I must do for the long term. And so this week I will work to make better choices day by day and I will make a plan as to how I will get back on track in earnest by the end of this week. Perfection is not the objective, a long-term shift toward being healthier and staying out of the OR is the goal. Setbacks will happen, life happens and that is ok. I choose to practice self-compassion and kindness and lovingly redirect my energies back into activities that support my long term goals. And take things one day at a time. What else is there to do?
When you have suffered setbacks like the ones I have experienced, how do you get back on track?